Erku — Inbox
May. 3rd, 2021 11:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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» Age: 22 » Species: Human Cultivator » A5 Card: Open » Seeking: Allies and those with interesting martial powers to spar with. » Preferences: N/A » Interests: Saber cultivation. Military strategy. » Bio: Sect leader of the Qinghe Nie and one of the primary generals of the Sunshot campaign. Thrust into leadership young, he has had very little life outside of that for the past three years. His seize-the-day approach applies to everything and everyone, particularly when there are mutual sparks. He especially loves to get worked up and worked out. | ||||
base code by photosynthesis | ||||
NIE MINGJUE | ||||
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Date: 2021-05-18 12:09 am (UTC)Er-ge this is going to sound very unfilial but I am going to say it, only because it's the two of you here.
He was just as bad. At least Wen Ruohan was not afraid to get his hands dirty, he was an ego-centric maniac who caused great harm, however, Jin Guangshan forced others to do things for him caused great harm as well only not as openly."
Him. He was forced to commit all kinds of evil acts for him.
But he won't divulge that quite yet.
"As for the things we need to act on.
Da-ge, I have taken the liberty to speak with the caretaker here, Master Shen Qingqiu. He is a Master who has cultivated to near immortality, and he has apparently handled Qi deviations before with success. I've notified Huaisang already and I think it is important for you to see him as early as we can. At least get you introduced and see if he can help.
I don't want to see you hurt again.
Secondly, we should figure out what we want out of this relationship. What our parameters are so we don't accidentally hurt each other by stepping on bounds. While I love you both, the nature of this place would make being physically faithful to only the two of you, difficult.
I don;t know if there are other things you two would like to talk about as well? This is all quite new to me."
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Date: 2021-05-18 12:46 am (UTC)He tilts head head at the mention of speaking to this Master Shen about his qi deviations. Dubious, he replies, "Qi deviations re part of the price paid for our strength in cultivating sabers, but if you'd like, I'll meet with him. It will be interesting to speak with a near-immortal, if nothing else."
And then he brushes that topic away as if it were of no more consequence than his complaints about the Jin Sect Leader.
Because he's more interested in the last topic, the concrete one. Though being told A-Yao loves him (?!) makes him pause before he finally speaks. And also clear his throat and give Xichen a bit of a wide-eyed look. "Since I, we, have only been here a little, I defer to you, A-Yao. If you say it's difficult..."
He considered. "Since I've never thought about having this at all, I'm inclined to want to focus on it, if I can. Not sure what that means for us, but."
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Date: 2021-05-18 01:23 am (UTC)"As for what's expected here, I..." Xichen's eyes close for a moment. "I will not expect anything from the two of you in that regard. My own choices though will be guided by my desire to at least hold true to my own sect's regulations and beliefs. I don't know how possible that will be, but..it's all I know to do."
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Date: 2021-05-18 01:48 am (UTC)"I understand Er-ge. We respect that and will do whatever we can to help support it as well."
He blushes deeply but sex was something that they needed to talk about.
"I have told you this before and this is pretty embarrassing but I want to paint a picture of what things can be like here.
My first week here, I slept with an acquaintance Master Xiao Xingchen because our bodies switched. Well, I suppose I slept with myself, physically I was just in this other person's body.
And then I was bought by Xue Yang, who had thought he was being helpful by adopting me while I was being sold in a marketplace, I had fox ears and a tail, and the only way to get rid of it was to have sex. I was taken to his sex shop and he bent me in half, with my feet by my head, and took me. At least I got this vibrating phallus out of the encounter and while not terrible, it was a lot.
Da-ge this man may try to fuck you if he encounters you, please be wary.
My third encounter was with a new friend, a woman and we are helping each other fill squares. We talked a lot before hand and negotiated what square to fill and how to do it before we started. I may have to meet her and help her occasionally. It was good, and neither of us was uncomfortable.
So far as much as I gather, sex sometimes is best when there is negotiation. When we know what the other person likes or what is hard for them.
For me, I don't like anything wrapping around my neck. Breathplay would be impossible for me. Also, my right shoulder is a bit sensitive so I need to have a pillow under it to help support my back."
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Date: 2021-05-18 02:23 am (UTC)He gestures at A-Yao, "Because your words?" He narrows his eyes. "That's why I don't trust this island. Or whoever the hell is Xue Yang is. But..."
Taking a fortifying breath, he squares his shoulders, looks at each of them in turn, and forges ahead. "But negotiating to make this work or make it good? Despite the damn island? I can do that." He flexes his jaw. "So. I don't know what I like and don't, so I can't tell you. I don't mind, though..."
Faltering, he tries to figure out how to say what he wants to say without sounding too crass. He gives up a moment later because he just wants to make sure they know. "I don't mind if you do fuck other people. Even you, Xichen, even if we were in our own world I'd want you both all to myself. For here? I just want you both to let me protect you when I can. If you can let me do that, I can weather anything else."
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Date: 2021-05-18 03:09 am (UTC)"But I will do my best to keep myself to what we've already arranged. If I find someone else, it will require more effort for me to be comfortable with the idea of sharing their bed in any fashion."
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Date: 2021-05-18 03:33 am (UTC)Feelings churned in his chest. Did he want to protect them? He would love to be protected. He moved to the other side of the table since he was done eating. He wanted to sit between them on the bed so he can hold their hands and be close to them. He took a hand in each again. Placing a kiss on each knuckle.
"Da-ge... I promise. You tell me too if anyone makes you feel uncomfortable or gives you trouble. We can take the time to figure out what we like and what we need. And Er-ge, that's fine. You don't have to do anything you don't want to.
I think I would like to have dinners with you two and stay with you if that is alright. Even if I have to help a friend or two I love the two of you so much. Er-ge, you have anchored me in a way I didn't realize I needed. Thank you."
On that note... "I'm sorry I snuck out yesterday. I think I just panicked at how real all of this felt suddenly."
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Date: 2021-05-18 04:16 am (UTC)Mingjue scooted so that the three of them were much closer together when A-Yao moved to sit between him and Xichen, unafraid to squash A-Yao a little with his proximity and jostle him into Xichen's side. It seemed appropriate.
"And I want—" It felt very strange to be even thinking about what he wanted. A little dazed-sounding, he continued, "I want you both to stay with me." He paused, then revised with a little more force, "I need you both to stay with me." He gripped A-Yao's hand and reached across him to tug at Xichen's, to make sure Xichen knew that, in case his words weren't enough.
Though at A-Yao's final confession, he frowned. "You both left. I thought if you needed me, you'd come get me. Are you better? Xichen, is he better?"
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Date: 2021-05-18 07:09 pm (UTC)"I calmed him down and we talked. It's just been overwhelming in such a short time."
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Date: 2021-05-18 08:29 pm (UTC)He nodded. Feeling comfortable in that declaration.
"Okay, I can move my belongings to your quarters in that case. I don't have too much. We can work on getting better furnishing for your rooms as well.
I think I am better now. I'm glad we're talking about it. It may happen sometimes, I get overwhelmed and feel the need to flee. It's a lot of new emotions... Thank you for holding me and talking to me."
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Date: 2021-05-19 03:10 am (UTC)Mingjue takes a thoughtful moment to consider, then says with far more concern than previously, "You've both been overwhelmed. At different times. Are you..."
He doesn't know what he wants to ask Xichen. He doesn't know what he wants to ask A-Yao.
"I am doing something that I need to stop?" he asks of both of them.
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Date: 2021-05-19 03:55 am (UTC)"...It's just been a lot of ...emotional moments in a very short amount of time."
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Date: 2021-05-19 04:08 am (UTC)Xichen and you were only here a week. It is a lot to figure out. Of course, you didn't cause it."
He squeezed Xichen's hand before leaning up to kiss Mingjue's chin. It was the furthest he could reach.
"Sex is new. And sex with two of the most important people to me will certainly cause some emotions. I loved it and care for the two of you. I think there is a part of me that firmly believes I don't really deserve it. I think that's why I tend to get overwhelmed when people are kind."
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Date: 2021-05-23 11:11 pm (UTC)He dips his head to kiss A-Yao back, absently petting him. Concern coils up within him, though—a different sort of concern than that which had driven his previous question. He frowns at A-Yao over his words, then looks to Xichen for help.
"This place is complicated and stressful enough that I don't need to be adding to it," is all he finally says. Then he gestures a Xichen to say something to A-Yao about the kind comment. All he can come up with is, "Especially by being unkind."
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Date: 2021-05-24 01:47 am (UTC)"...Maybe some time to adjust to all of this would benefit you? Away from the demands people make on you?" The demands they might make on him.
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Date: 2021-05-24 02:12 am (UTC)He kicked his legs out a little thoughtfully. It has been a lot and he had a feeling it was going to continue to be a lot.
"I think...I think I'll take a month off from the cafe. I have enough credits saved for some basic needs and I can hunt for the rest.
I think I want to just spend a month in a quiet place with the two of you. I don't want to think of anything else. I don't want to think of politics or what is expected of me. Or who I need to be. I just want to figure out who I am. Er-ge, Da-ge. I'm just really tired."
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Date: 2021-05-24 04:31 am (UTC)He waves a hand. They know what he means.
"But I." And here he pauses again, but not because he's faltering, but because he's caught once more in a thought. The idea that expectations have simply been done away with is a strange one, and the fact that they were pulled here against their will and have no idea how to get back hits him all anew. "I."
Huh.
"Huh." Huh. "We don't have to think of those things here. Nobody's depending on us but us."
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Date: 2021-05-24 04:45 am (UTC)"No. No sect responsibilities, no war. Just us. Who is Nie Mingjue, the man? Not the leader or the hero or even the elder brother? Who is Lan Xichen the man? When he is not the first jade or Zewu-jun.
Who am I? When I'm not Jin Guangyao, Lianfang-zun, When I'm not even Meng Yao.
I don't know.
But I want to find out."
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Date: 2021-05-24 04:52 am (UTC)"...I need some air." His voice is quiet, Xichen moving from his chair before he turns toward the door.
"I'll be back."
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Date: 2021-05-24 05:12 am (UTC)"I think I know who I am," Mingjue says. "It's what to do about it that I'm worried about."
But Xichen is leaving.
"Oh. Xichen—" He doesn't stop him, doesn't...quite pick up on the fact that it's their topic that pushed him to flee the room. So he looks at A-Yao in askance. "Breakfast over?"
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Date: 2021-05-24 06:30 am (UTC)"I think I said the wrong thing.
I am such an idiot sometimes. But I think maybe he needs some space and time to gather himself. This is all a lot for him."
It was a lot for all of them. Later on in the afternoon, he made a note to prepare the week's meals for the UC.
"Are you still hungry? There is still plenty of meat and eggs."
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Date: 2021-05-25 01:46 am (UTC)He chews over that as he shifts back to prod at his food. "Yeah. Pass them here." He gestures with a hand to load up his plate once more. Fuel for the kind of physical activity he kept up was all-important. After shoving a bit of egg in his mouth, he then offers, "I feel like a pebble dropped in a pond. You think having to run off or shut down is going to happen a lot?"
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Date: 2021-05-25 02:04 am (UTC)"I can imagine. It must be really strange for you. You know him and you know Meng Yao at least, but we are different.
It may. People deal with difficulty differently and being able to open up when you don't know what you are feeling right away can be especially hard.
Back in our world, there was a certain way we had to present, for whatever reason, they vary. However, with sex and physical intimacy involved, there is a sense of emotional vulnerability that comes with it.
Some people use it to not think about everything else going on and just get wrapped in the feeling." Like Jin Guangshan who's whoring got so much worse after Jin Zixuan died. "Some shut down so the actions can be performed, and do what is needed to survive." like his mother who went through so much brutality so that she and her son could live.
"I imagine that this is the first time that Lan Xichen had to think about sex and sexuality as a more real concept than the vague thought of getting married and providing an heir someday. This must have been real and raw for him. As it was for us or at least me, I think.
He gave us his ribbon but there is still a rule against promiscuity in the Lan Doctrine. It'll take time to adjust.
All we can do is be there when he is ready and has figured out how he is feeling. Give each other space but know we can come to the others if we need to."
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Date: 2021-05-26 06:51 pm (UTC)He's not sure he can relate, but he's listening.
"You're strangers but not," Mingjue agrees eventually. "But even though the span is longer, change always happens at home when you go to war. That's how being away works. Just because I came back to more changes than I expected doesn't mean you are entirely foreign. Just a different person I need to get to know."
He considers.
"And I see what you mean about the sex, but I don't like to miss opportunities. Even if you're both different."
And then he shrugs, because it's really not that complicated.
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Date: 2021-05-26 08:32 pm (UTC)“I don’t want to tell Er-ge this...but I died back home. He’s too fragile for it I think as he is now.
I’m only six and thirty. I spent my last life, worrying about what other people say, twisting myself into what they wanted so I missed the opportunity to have what I truly wanted. To even really explore what sex is.” He looked at him seriously.
“I don’t want to miss that again. Even if the two of you are different. You both were the first people to value me. I loved you for it. I loved having sex with you.
Life was short, I’m not wasting it again or making the same stupid mistakes I did in my last one. “
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